Inperfect ME

The last entry ends with a "but", will blog about it now. I first came back to Kluang 22yrs ago in 1990, incidentally my dad was sick, I started taking care of him. Sad to said he pass away a year latter, so I stay back to be with my mom and my young daughter than. Since mom pass her food stall to me, in all these years whenever my other sibling came back for holiday or festive season all welfare was on me, the food, the comfort, and I have to bear all cost. When during CNY it's about 23paxs for 4 to 5days, I am not complaining, love to have everybody home happy and jolly, cooking for them it's a pleasure when I watched them enjoying the food. But it's always not enough, in the pass 22yrs, every others CNY someone will pick on me to quarrel, I remember the first was(don't remember which year).....mom birthday is on the 13th day of CNY on the lunar calendar, so we normally will either cooked at home or to a restaurant. This particular year my brother wanted to have the dinner at home because our family had quite a few young child so it's kind of inconvenient for children to ran about in the restaurant, as I pass the words around I was pickby my younger sister for insulting her children being naughty, was being scold so badly, we had a quarrel, this was the first. 2years latter, my elder sister scolded me for giving less angpow money to her children and more to the others. Even this I was pick and scolded on a CNY. Another 2years latter, on the 2nd day of CNY my younger sister and her husband came to the house and scolded my brother for some matter about her son, and when my brother explain, my sister and her hubby had no reason to fight him and was embarrass, they pick on me for hearing wrong and calling the wrong person out, you know.. her husband came to the extend of wanted to bash me and that was really really a very very bad one, because I had so many guests in my open house. Another 2years latter nothing happen because I had a heart attack on the 2nd day so no chance to pick on me. I survive 4 seizure Another 2years latter mom's passing on, and off course many happening like sharing mom's assets. And this year my favorite brother scolded me so badly because I scolded his grandson. He was the last person I can think of for picking on me.....so something is wrong with me... I had been thinking and wonder what's wrong with this family????? I felt I was and obstacle of the family never treated as one even though I had sacrifices so much trying so hard to keep the family together always doing the best for them, the comfort of the house never once complain, It's so sad that no one appreciate me. To think of it I must be the problem, if not why always me? So since I am the problem I might as well disappear, then life will be much better and happier for them, so I had decided to leave this house, and retired this year. Year of the Dragon 2012 will be my last year in my parent's house. I had done what I should have, taking care of my dad and mom when they are sick until they pass on, what else do I own them? And what have they done for my parent??? Nobody is perfect, I never consider myself as perfect, but at least I tried my best to be, maybe I tried too hard, or maybe I am really not a good person, too frank, unable to be superficial...... Whatever it is, life will be better for them without me....... Guess another chapter of my life will soon being.