Year Of The OX

Year of the OX slipped into our family very quietly. The whole family came back and we had our reunion dinner as usual but without

mom. The house was crowded though..... with our family and extended family, nieces and nephews, in-laws and "out-laws", haha...... we entertained ourselves with mahjong and DVDs. According to the the rules of "mourning" period, we are not suppose to go visiting for 100 days. So we all stayed indoor. * As for me l make sure that lunch and dinner are served. It's kind of like not used to living our lives without mom. l would like to say, for the first time mom is not with us this Chinese New Year, I kind of have this feeling of emptiness after everyone gone back to their normal lifestyle, some back to Singapore, some to Kuala Lumpur and some to Johor Bahru. Now, only left me and hubby on our own again to cope without mom. In actual fact, I still felt a little lost. It's hard to express this feeling of 'lost'. It's so mixed up and I have to keep reminding myself that life still have to go on with or without mom.

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For my nieces and nephews, some are too young to understand what mourning is. It's kind of bored for them to just stay home without doing anything.

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Lucky for them, the "Euro Park Fun Fair" is here. The whole "bunch" of us, young and old went to the fair. As for the teenagers, they really enjoyed those exciting rides. The younger ones enjoyed just as much but for me, by just looking at those scary and exciting rides, make my heart skipped a beat. It's just so hair raisingly scary.

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Some of the rides had 90degree turns and some 180degree turn, the swing went so high it just scared the daylight out of me just by looking at it, I rather enjoyed those games like throwing the tin cans, scoop duckiethrowing a dart or a ball to try to win a soft toy. See how happy my "Little Bo Peeps" is when she won that silly "Nimo"

Overall, everybody enjoyed it, eventhough some vomited, some felt giddy and some just enjoyed it without problems... hahaha. It was definately a fun outing for all admist the somber atmosphere at home.

You can further view our memories of my Mother on my daughter's blog: "A Tribute To A Figment Of My Memory" at http://redbabecc.blogspot.com/

Unforgetable Memories

It was a warm sunny morning that mom chose to leave, with the 3 of us by her bedside, telling her not to be afraid and to carry on her journey to the next phase of her life as daddy will be waiting for her and she'll be well taken care off. Slowly she closed her eyes and silently went into a deep and peaceful sleep throwing away all her sufferings. From that moment onwards......l knew.... l was going to miss her so very much. Those happy momments with mom kept flashing through my mind, the trips that we made together to "Lake Toba, Perth Hongkong, China, Superstar Virgo Crusie ( just look at her smiling face !!!)and the countless domestic holidays". Brought so much laughter and beautiful memories. As from now everything is over, l m into the next chapter of my life without mom, and l m sure mom will also bring those lovely memories with her to share with dad. ^

l would like to thank all of you who have given me the thoughts, prayers and strength to help me thourgh the last 4 months. And now....... condolencs coming from far and wide, Thankyou and Bless You.

"Love you MOM, you'll always be in my heart, REST IN PEACE"

Rest In Peace Mom...

Mom passed away peacefully at home this morning.(Malaysia time: Sunday 18/1/09 @ 10.15am )

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The wake will be held from today till 20th January 2009

at the Kluang Buddhist Hall.

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"May You Rest In Peace, Mom"

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p/s: pls do not send flowers but donate to a good cause under her name,

Mdm Fong Ah Noi.

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http://redbabecc.blogspot.com/

Arrow Head Plant

I remember not long ago during the last 'chinese new year' I posted about 'deep fried arrow head chip', and just a blink of the eye 'Chinese New Year' is here again. Arrow head vegetable can be seen everywhere. Is cheaper if you buy it from hyper market like 'giant' or ' pacific', much cheaper than the "wet" market. Anyway, l bought a box of 10kgs from the market(regrets), I fried some and the balance is still inside the fridge, only took out a few "biji" to plant. Talking about planting 'arrow head', well....... it's kind of tradition for my home to plant it during every 'chinese new year', mom simply loves to plant it, she always joke that "if you want to have a baby boy, plant arrow head". You know why she said that....because, in cantonese, arrow head is pronounced as "chi ku" and it means a boy's pen.. for those who really want to have a baby boy, why not try, who knows.... it might work ......... hahaha. As for me, l think it's a beautiful plant don't you think so?, and l want to carry on mom's tradition!!

Home Sweet Home

Well.....we decided to bring mom home yesterday, l went to the hospital at 8.30am to "catch" the doctor while she was doing her rounds. Told her that l want to take mom home and we need her advice........ what should we do incase her sugar level is not in order or if there is a fever, and when dressing her bedsore what medication we should use and so on....... She answered our questions patiently and wrote down everything that we will need for the dressing. Because I "took" mom on my own and not by the doctor, I needed to sign some papers to clarifly that, medication was perscribed to mom which l collected it from the hospital pharmacy and, lastly..... to pay the bills. That's the procedure of dischargeing mom from the hospital. Next l made a call to the private ambulance to bring mom home, it's easier because they have the equipments and are more experienced, it cost Rm80.00 for a trip, it's affordable. At the same time l made an arrangement for one of the nurses from the Melor 1, to come and dress mom's bedsore, and "VOLA" everything was well arranged, so l said goodbye to the nurses and doctor.

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l was in the ambulance with mom, the siren was on which l thought was not neccesary, so told the driver not to turn on the siren when we were about to reach home in order not to disturb or attract attention from the whole neighbourhood.

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At last we are home with mom, l have prepared her bed the night before and turned on the ripple mattress. Few days ago mom was really looking so bad that l think she'll go anytime, even the doctor said she had less than 2weeks. But after she came home she looks so much better now, the swell is almost gone, l can see mom is much more relexed at home than in the hospital, and........... I' m feeling so much better too to have mom at home!!

My Lonely Mom

Melor 1 is very different from the rest of the other wards, very clean and neat, it's actually a special ward for skin and bone. Mom is well taken care of, nurses are dressing her bedsore everyday and turning her every 2 hrs, but.....visitors only allowed to go in on the exact visiting hours, (strict though) and my maid is only allow to be inside from 4.30pm till 7am. Only 8 patients are in there, therefore it's kind of quiet and peaceful compared to Melor 2. Because of the strict visiting rule, she is left alone most of the time. When l visited her before l go to work everyday, l felt so sorry seeing her lonely frail body lying there motionless, only with her eyes open. Atlease in Melor 2, my maid is with her most of the time and we can just walk in anytime we want. Somehow alittle voice inside me is telling me to bring mom home. l'll try to bring her home on Monday if the neccesary arrangements of dressing her bedsore is confirmed. According to the doctor that l spoke to, we need to do dressing for mom everyday and every two hour we have to change her sleeping position from side to side. Mom is not looking good at all, both her hands are swallon, eyes not as active as last week, infact those pair of beautiful eyes looks lifeless...........

The Worse has Come

l received a phone call at 8.30am this morning from the hospital. It was saying something about the doctor needed to see me immediately to give consent to re-do mom's bedsore and to amputate her right foot. Decision like this is really hard and sad to make........

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When l got to the hospital, standing beside mom's bed looking at her frail body, l started to cry. Not knowing what to decide. So l spoke to the doctor in charge for about half an hour, and l decided only to re-do her bedsore and not to amputate because... l don't think mom is able to go through the ops and it's not necessary due to her condition now. The doctor advised that we should put mom in a nursery home so that her sores will be well taken care of by experts. Not knowing what to do next, hubby and I just went hopping from nursing home to nursing home trying to find out more about its services & environment. We found two that we think is best for mom.

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While l was at home waiting for the next visiting hours, l kept asking myself, do l really want to send mom to the nursing home with total strangers? Will she be happy? Or will she think l abandoned her? And l started to cry again... So l asked myself if l want to bring mom home instead of sending her to a nursing home.

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Firstly l need a qualified nurse to come to the house to change the wound dressing and check on her everyday., Other than the dressing, the rest will not be to difficult to handle as we have been handling for the past 4 months. Then l started to made a phonecall to a friend who is working in a private hospital as a 'staff nurse' to ask if she can help in case l need her assistance when mom is home. For this "God is with us" and He answered my prayer. This good samaritan agreed. She is my saviour. At least with her assistance, I would be able to bring mom back home to spend her remaining days in the environment that she is familar with. "Thank you my dear friend & may God bless you". ^

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With this arrangement, I will be bringing mom home. A home where she had spent most of her life in, a home that she is familar and comfortable with. Most importantly, I'll be able to see and talk to her whenever l want to and that's my comfort.

From Melor 2 to Melor 1

After closing the shop for a week because of mom's re-admission, I only started to re-open the shop on Monday 5/1/09. 'Chinese New Year' is only three weeks' away, and l have to resume my business for 'Chinese New Year's orders. Things have been very expensive lately and our Ringgit is getting weaker and weaker that l have to work doubly hard. On top of all these, there are mom's expenditure on diapers and milk etc....

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'Chinese New Year' is so near. I kept telling myself that I'm not going to spend to celebrate new year. But.... l still need to buy some stuff like sweets and drinks in case visitors turned up in our doorsteps. Therefore, no matter what or how l still need to spend..... maybe lesser (l don't have much left to spent anyway sob..sob).

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But ............... now that l have started to work again, I can't visit mom as often as I used to. So, the maid is with mom all the time. I have to handle housework and preparation for the business all on my own. Therefore, the only time l can visit mom is at 4.30pm on my way to work, for about 15mins.

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Today when I visited mom, the nurse told me mom will be tranferred to Melor 1. Melor 1 is a special ward for skin and bone. I think it is because of mom's bedsore. That's why she is transferred there. According to the nurse in Melor 2, the Doctor need my consent to do another minor surgery for mom's bedsore because the first one which was done about a week ago did not improve. l really don't know whether l should let mom go through it again, and what will happen if l say "NO"??????, l m so confused !!.

As Free as Birds

It's the 6th day 0f mom's 3rd admission to the hospital, and she is not looking good at all, non responsive and just lie on bed with her eyes open most of the time, blink every now and then with tears in her eyes. When l hold her hand there is no grip or respond from her. She looks fragile because she has lost some weight. Talking and telling her about the happy and beautiful moments of her life with us, l guess......that's the best l can do, not knowing whether she can see or hear me.

My 'Bo Peeps' was back for the weekend and visited grandma, we decided to free some birds, so we went to the pet shop bought 4bags containing 18 birds, came back home to free them in front of our house, and prayed very hard for mom to suffer less.

As we were freeing the birds1 little birdie

refused to fly away......... she perched on the gril looking a bit blur, so we wanted to see if the birdie was hurt as we walked near the little bird flew on to a tree

in front of our house and stayed there for a while, l think the birdie was car sick ............. After a while the birdie flew away and everyone was free and happy "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED".

New Year's Day

Because of mom's admission, l have been getting up early to go to the hospital until 2pm and then go again at 4.30pm till 7pm. Whenever there is a chance to take a nap, l will. While l was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Day (i.e. the 2nd day of mom's re-admission), l dreamt of her. She is all well and good. She told me she is fine and waved goodbye as if she was going somewhere.

In my dream l was so excited and happy to see her well again. I was about to call my siblings to inform them of the good news. But unfortunately, I was rudely awaken by a phone ringing. I was so disappointed that it was only a dream.

Sadly, l realised that miracles only happens in dreams. But l must say, it was a beautiful and memorable dream, that afternoon, spending new year with my mom.

Back To 'Melor 2' Again

Just as l was saying about de-stressing and fitness, mom has gone into a coma and hospitalised on the 30/12 due to a very high sugar level because she's not responding to the insulin again, and this time round........ the doctor told us to prepare for the worse, how sad life can be to see your love one suffering and at the same time we are here praying so hard for a miracle to happen. So we are back to the hospital ward 'Melor 2' again, this time mom is sleeping on bed '1' . If there is an emergency, nurses will be able to attend to her immediately and of course the maid is with her when we are not around. As for 'Melor 2' nothing has changed....... patients in and out, nurses are as busy as usual but.............

...there is this lovely tree just outside the ward, that bloomed with so pretty lovely yellow tiny flowers that cheer up the whole place so much. It just gives you a nice feeling that goes with the season, guess that's the consolation for those who are staying and visiting ward 'Melor 2'.